slowly with intention

I haven't gathering my thoughts and feelings leading up to this trip because it has felt like a distant possibility for far too long. A short 17 hours long after a frantic packing session, I was sitting in the Bucharest, Romania airport awaiting our team of 10 that I will be spending these next few weeks with. I had planned to do a lot of things leading up to this trip. There were people I wanted to meet with, tasks I wanted completed and put away, preparation for filming, time to gather some long overdue reflections before I was in constant transition on this trip, but none of it came true.

Life has been very full recently. Filled with long hours and even more video work outside of my normal 9-5 just to keep my creative heart afloat. I think I did a poor job of mentally, spiritually, and emotionally slowing down to create space for this experience. I was trying to use every ounce of time I had to do something productive. These past few weeks left me feeling scattered and divided, but even on the worst days everything gets done eventually. All the time spent paralyzed from not knowing how to start was a waste as well.

Admittedly, this is my first time doing videography in a humanitarian setting as well as in an international context. Something I have dreamed of for so long, but feel an intense imposter syndrome being trusted to do it all on my own. I looked for resources, mentors, or anything that could help me feel prepared for what I was walking into. And while many miracles unfolded to give me guidance and incredibly valuable advice for that kind of work, in that process of (what I thought was) proactive preparation, I was really ignoring the most important posture.

"Notice how when you move slowly with intention, somehow everything still gets done."

– my workout instructor last week (but also God)

She said it while looking right at me in what felt like she could see my heart and soul on my forehead. Call it woo woo, call it another coincidence, or call it a miracle, but I began to gather evidence everywhere I looked, every person I talked to, every situation I found myself flustered by, and words I came across all began to remind me of that same message.

Be patient. Slow down. Pay attention. Listen and look at what I am doing now.

That is all I am being asked to do. Sure there were due dates and deadlines and every other seemingly important notes sitting impatiently in my inbox. But in reality, there really wasn't ever anything to do. Nothing to prepare. I wasn't being asked to walk into this experience as an expert of any skill ready to achieve a task I am given. I wasn't being asked to pack without forgetting a few essentials (right guys? just me?). I am simply being invited to walk differently for a little while. To be fully present and attentive to each moment in front of me. Above everything else, I am being asked to move slowly.

Slowly with intention.

If there was going to be something tattooed on my forehead, I think that could be it.

Anyways, I am writing this in our empty hostel on night one. That is what is stuck to my mind. I am trying to let it sink in and be true in the ways I walk these next few weeks. Everyone has been knocked out in their bunkbeds for a couple hours now. I've been decompressing, gathering some initial thoughts before everything truly begins. Mom, here is your proof of life! I am safe. God is near. Who knows how often or thoughtful these will be, but I wanted to make a space to share my reflections as I go. The recipients of these letters are a long list of dear family members, friends with loads of encouragement, my beloved book club, and a few more that wanted to keep up with my journey. It feels incredible comforting to write to so many familiar faces. Knowing that I am wrapped in the love of you all brings lots of peace. Thank you.

I hope to send more pictures soon. For now,

From Romania with love,Emily

If you missed the context of this adventure, you can read here!!!